Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Life feels weird right now.

For the past few days I haven't done too much at all.  Of course, everyone takes a few days off of training after the Regionals.  It's good for us.

I wasn't hit with a ton of bricks after the final workout at the Regionals.  You know?  When it was "official" that I didn't qualify.  I knew after my TOTAL screw-up on Event #1 that it was going to be a fight to come back.  And I DEFINITELY don't want this post to be a list of excuses for why Events 1 and 4 didn't go my way.....

To be honest, I am hoping this blog post will help me actually release the feelings that I have yet to really express (even to myself) since Sunday afternoon.

So, let's go through this.....

After Event 1, I was pretty upset.  My time was a full minute slower than I had done the same workout just days before.  I got amped up.  I screwed myself by not staying calm...no reps followed.  When I saw 21st place...I knew I was in trouble.  I also knew I had a choice.



 I needed to remember WHY I was there in the first place.  Yes, it was to qualify....but WHY??

In the past I thought qualifying would make me more "likeable" or more "important" for some reason.   I realized after last year's Regional that I didn't need to qualify for the Games for people to take me seriously in the CrossFit community.

This year, CrossFit competition has had a different meaning for me.  It has been 100% for ME. 

I told my husband just the day before Regionals started that, if nothing else, I wanted to have an experience that would change me as a person.  I have worked SO HARD for SO LONG, and have sacrificed a lot in training for the Games.  I wanted to experience something that would "show me what is possible if you put THIS MUCH WORK in".  I wanted to have an experience I could share about dedication to my future children.  I wanted a memory I could always go back to and lean on when I need to show the same commitment and drive during other times of my life.

I thought what that meant was....that I need to qualify....to prove to myself that I could do it.  I was wrong.

After Event 1 I could choose to be sad...or to fight.  I decided to FIGHT.  Sure, I was fighting to hopefully still qualify for the Games.  But, I decided to forget about the end of the weekend and just fight for each individual event.   I decided not to worry too much about the leaderboard, but to treat each event like it was the only one that mattered.



I could have allowed myself to get defeated after my crappy first event, but I chose not to.  What would I learn from that?  Instead...I fought my way to 4 top 4 finishes.  A time in the dumbbell workout that still shocks me to this moment.  Hitting 150# on the snatch ladder, tying my all time PR.  A split time on the first couplet on Event #6 of 4:35 matching Julie Foucher, and allowing me to finish 4th without even being in the Final heat!! 

Since the competition has ended I have gone back and crunched #s...what would I have had to do to make it.  What would I have had to get on Event #1...on Event #4????  What I found, I am SO GLAD I didn't know then.

Even if I had gotten the 4:25 Diane time that I got a few days before, I still would have had to finish 1st or 2nd in event #4 to go to the Games!!  WHAT?!  Event 4 was the one I was most nervous about going in and I was hoping to just be top 10!!!

Had I known that, I don't know that I could have, or would have, performed as well over the course of the other events.  I would have put too much pressure on myself and would have been thinking ahead to other events.  So, I guess the lesson learned here is.....

We only have control over this moment.  In CrossFit that could be THIS workout, THIS REP!!  It does us NO good to look back or to worry about looking forward.  And, at the end of the day if we did EVERYTHING we could in each of those moments...the outcome will be spectacular.

In the end, I got what I came for.  Because I didn't look forward or back...I was able to push myself to a place that I hadn't gone before.  I never knew something could hurt as bad as where I took myself on the final event.  But, I did it to prove to MYSELF that I am not a quitter.  That's another lesson.  Even if the desired outcome looks like it's not going to happen, don't give up the FIGHT!  I was still able to show everyone, and MYSELF, what I was made of...what I had worked so hard for.




""When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, " I used everything you gave me."" -Erma Bombeck



24 comments:

  1. Miranda you did tremendous at regionals and are a bad ass crossfitter with abs we'd all love to have. Way to keep fighting -- you were awesome.

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  2. what a inspiration... You have always been a role model of mine in the CF community. and your words in this blog will stay with me. Thank You for this. I am always a worrier I train hard and when I don't get the outcome I want I slack off, I want to quit and say F it but I don't I push through. I know that we live in the now and give it everything you got no matter what happens. because in the end you know you did it for you and I bet it was spectacular.

    Thank You

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  3. Awesome post!!! You are known, loved, and respected throughout this community. The competition stepped up big time this year and you still performed amazing in a region that is stacked! One more year to train!

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  4. Miranda... You were one of my Level 1 coaches.. You were then, are now, and will always be one of my FAVORITE CROSSFIT athletes... you are a class act, a wonderful person, and one hell of a competitor. I am always awestruck by the thoughts, performances, and accountability of top athletes and this is by no way an exception. Great work at NorCal last weekend... and we will all see you again :-) Hell we never stopped seeing you. You are a Rock Star in our community!

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  5. I met you when you were my Level 1 coach and I was inspired by you then and now. You are a great roll model to all who love CrossFit. Keep fighting!

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  6. you gave me goosebumps....thanks for sharing/inspiring & continuing to be the true badass that you are!!

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  7. Miranda,

    Thank you for sharing. Inspiring post for me. I am glad that your approach to training is for something higher than qualifying. A mark of a mature CFit athlete. Thanks again,

    Brian McFadden

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  8. Miranda since 2009 when I first started to CrossFit you became one of my favorite CrossFit athletes. I was fortunate enough to see you at the NorCal regionals and just to be there in person to see you was amazing. You are an inspiration and a great role model. I have to agree that you are a class act!

    I look forward to watching you compete again next year.

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  9. Great stuff. Hope Becky & I can get to know you. We enjoy your commentating as well!

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  10. Thanks for sharing your experience and giving us a peek into what goes on in a true competitor's mind.

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  11. #6 in the Region, but always #1 in our heart ;)

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  12. Awesome Post,from an Awesome Athlete

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  13. Be proud. Your attitude and the example you set is worth a lot! You gave everything you had and left it on the field, like a true champ. You are truly a first class CF'er!

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  14. Miranda, you are a true BAD ASS!

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  15. Miranda, Thank you for posting this! I have followed your progress over the years and have always admired you as an athlete. I just read this as I am getting ready to compete in the Northwest Regionals and I have been trying to tell myself all day long that I need to find the fun in this. Your post hit home so much for me and I am hoping I can reflect back to it during the WODs tomorrow and remind myself that ultimately it doesn't matter where I finish as long as I enjoy the experience. You are a phenomenal athlete and you should be so so proud of yourself!

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  16. You hit home on so many levels with this post. Beautiful. I am blown away at your power and drive. Although I may never compete in games, I feel like each WOD I do should follow what you have said. Thank you for your words.

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  17. Miranda- you are such a complete athlete! I came across your blog looking for info on how you train, and reading your thoughts about your performance was touching and inspiring. Your reflections about regionals goes beyond the games and even the gym. Thank you for being so candid.

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  18. This. Exactly. More powerful, more beautiful than qualifying, or 'winning'. Never giving up. Fighting!
    Thank you for being such an inspiration, Miranda!

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  21. Hey, very nice site. I came across this on Google, and I am stoked that I did. I will definitely be coming back here more often. Wish I could add to the conversation and bring a bit more to the table, but am just taking in as much info as I can at the moment. Thanks for sharing.
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